I will eat your food for free

     There’s a revolutionary new way to lose weight and shed those pounds like hair on a bald guy. It’s called the LMTYF plan. Just trying   to pronounce the word will burn thousands of calories but that’s not all. The LMTYF plan (Let me take all your food) takes no effort. Just let me come over and take all your food. Soon you’ll be a malnourished anorexic. Finally, you’ll be experiencing all the fulfilling feelings of living in a 3rd world country. From Vitamin deficiency to bubonic plague. Who says boils aren’t sexy? Side effects include cannibalism, death, and constipation followed by dysentery. For product information call 1-800-CALL-ATT. This message is courtesy of the communist party.

      The scary thing is that dumbass people would actually order that. What the heck is wrong with you people?  I don’t blame the government or any drug companies for any side effects those weight reducing drugs impart. It’s your gullible-ass’s fault. Anyone that takes something called ephedrine or phen-phen and doesn’t bother to ask a doctor what it is and just takes Susanne Summers of some other whore’s word for it should get sick.

       I’ve done some research and have concluded that all crack whores are thin. That said the only feasible cure to obesity would be to legalize crack and prostitution. Passing this law, we can expect to gain many strategic and “superpower “allies such as Columbia and Mexico but it would completely eliminate not just obesity but the inept people who take your order at McDonald’s will finally have a job they can call their own. This plan would actually completely eliminate unemployment as a whole. If you don’t have a job you could just become a crack dealer or a pimp. The opportunities are endless.

But please, stop complaining. Look at me, I’m an overweight whale who likes plankton, woe is me, no one understands the pain I feel; mmm Ice cream. I know I’m being politically incorrect but I hate fat people. They’re so pathetic. Maybe if you people didn’t sit on your ass and watch Oprah all day eating everything in sight, even furniture.

Taste testers prefer sofas over loveseats 2 to 1.